late night ramblings of the Ex
Oct. 20, 2005 ~ 12:08 am
I got a call from the Ex about two months ago. He was having troubles with his current relationship so suddenly he remembers my number...
... what a coincidence...
... i've tried several times to try to patch things up between us over the last few years but he had already moved on.
He made sure I knew he wanted nothing to do with me and that he now loved this other woman....
... but like i said.. up until two months ago. He called me for three days straight... basically just to catch up on our lives. He didn't know I was seeing someone... nor did he ask.
Either way he ended up telling me how this woman was neglecting him and how she was on vacation for a while. Before she left he told her to take time to think about their relationship and if it was to continue or not.
Well... apparently he thought she would come back and break things off ... and thats why he was calling me...
she was to come back home on a Monday... and strangely enough, ever since the previous Sunday, I haven't heard back from him...
that was roughly a month ago.
Was it wrong of me not to tell him i was with someone?
probably...
did i want to rekindle anything with him?
... a small part of me... probably.
am i upset i haven't heard back from him?
... livid.
Not because I really wanted to rekindle anything.. hell, for all i know we can be two totally different people then we were years ago...
... but because nothing screams "REBOUND" like calling an ex suddenly out of the blue when times are rough... and then dropping her like a bad habit just as sudden.
When we were together he was always sincere... wonderful.. considerate...
.. this stunt was so unlike him...
or at least, unlike the Ex I knew.
At any rate, I emailed him about a week ago... basically just to let him know I didn't appreciate his behavior...
... years ago we broke up because I was too young and immature to handle a relationship. I never cheated on him but whenever we were broken up I always had someone else to date...
... he calls it cheating...
and it broke his heart each time...
years ago I was a different person and I've grown and learned.. I've had some shitty experiences since then that have taught me my lessons...
so is it wrong for me to be so offended by his behavior after all the wrong I did him?
.. i think its justified anger. The past, be it as it may, is now just that...
.. the past. We learn, we grow and we move on.
I can't help but think his relationship isnt going to last much longer... and again he'll remember my number.
Don't get me wrong.. I love and adore my current boyfriend... there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him... yet deep down inside I feel it isn't meant to be...
.. theres reasons... its not just a feeling...
.. but I love him. I simply see the future I want.. the life that I want...
... and its not something he can provide for me...
... I'm stuck wondering if love really is enough... if everything I've always wanted in life is something I'm willing to sacrifice for this man...
... perhaps i'm being too complicated... too many thoughts in my head.......
.. you now see what happens to me late at night when my head is overwhelmed with thoughts.
Worry not little ones.. these entries come once in a blue moon...
... I am convinced I have multiple personalities... and I refuse to rid myself of them only because one is a hell of a therapist..
Perhaps I shall take these ramblings off to bed with me.. hopefully i can shake them loose in a dream.