food network conspiracy
Aug. 16, 2005 ~ 8:55 am
My television habits are beginning to scare me.
It's not that I watch too much television, rather its the channels I'm watching and their affect on my persona. Come by my apartment, turn the television on and I can guarantee its on one of the four following channels: MTV, Lifetime, Food Network, or Home&Garden TV.
MTV is my sick little twisted confession. Im a sucker for the "10 spots" of the week. Worst of them all, (as I've mentioned in the past) Laguna Beach.
I could spend an entire entry on my sick little loves of mtv shows-- but worry not, something bigger is on the verge of my psyche.....
I've managed to stray from Home&Garden television, and Lifetime has been limited to a few shows and an occasional movie-- no harm done there.
This leaves me with the Food Network, to which I've only been a fan of for roughly a year now.
The problem:
I'm slowly starting to find the male chefs on this network to be incredibly sexy.
Now, I know I'm not alone on this one... these men are supposed to look good for marketing purposes.... nobody wants to see a greasy, dirty lardass conjuring up a classy french cuisine...
What worries me is that these are the same men who (in my eyes) went from regular joe shmoes in aprons to sexy studs in a hot room within a matter of months.
Sure I admired them for their abilities and have drooled over many a meal... but that was as far as anything went.
Nowadays when the show is all said and done and that meal is plated for our eyes to indulge, I find myself wanting to make lewd jokes about other "concoctions" derived from their "drawers".
it's sick, I know. And its for this very reason in which I think the Food Network has something theyre not telling us. They're scripting and use of these men are chosen wisely.
They want us to believe culinary arts are altogether lust infested with heat, juices, and oils on thick slabs of meat...
... mark my words diaryland: By this time next year they will have higher ratings of female viewers than Lifetime and the Hallmark Channel combined.
... well, that or by this time next year I'll have found a different hobby unveiling a different conspiracy.
For now I'll keep my thoughts to myself... no need to alert the media just yet.
But I will say this: If ever the day comes that I admit an attraction to Al Roker, Emeril Lagasse or "Molto" Mario Batali-- please remove my cable and forbid me to ever step foot into another kitchen again......
for I am unworthy.