father knows best
Dec. 02, 2005 ~ 1:30 pm
The father and I got into a little tiff last night.
Apparently nothing his children do now or in the future can ever be done right in his eyes...
.. if its not done his way, then its not done right.
For Christmas this year I decided to reframe a painting of the virgin mary that my mother inherited after her parents passed away.
The frame that it had wasn't doing a thing for the image and seemed a little too "fun" for the depiction of a melancholy mother with a dagger piercing her heart...
(.. yes, its a rather grim piece but has great sentimental value to my mother)
the solution: a frame with a little more elegance..
the problem: The image was slightly larger than the frame allowed.
No matter, I managed to make it work with the only downside being a small gap between the image and the frame which can only be seen at side angle.
Apparently my father saw this coming and suggested to my mother that I could cut into the frame to have the piece fit. I was at work when this discussion took place so I didn't get wind of it until I had already framed and rehung the picture...
Once I was informed by my mother I disagreed and insisted the frame was too thin to hack into without damaging something...
.. and that was that.
Until of course the father sees it.
"What are you going to do about that frame?"
"Nothing, I took care of it"
"Well yeah, but did you do it right?... NO"
(of course not, I'm an idiot daughter, always have been and always will be)
"Dad! Theres nothing you can do to make it fit in there"
"What do you mean? Theres a hacksaw downstairs, just cut it until it fits"
"I dont know how to do that..."
"What do you mean you don't know how to do that?!?"(because of course any idiot knows how to use a hacksaw
"Dad, the frame is not sturdy enough or thick enough to take a hacksaw to it... there is a liner in there that once you tr......."
"No mija, no... you've got a huge gap in there, and you're telling me thats fine? that needs to be fixed"
"Well then you fix it because I'm not taking a hacksaw to it"
now, I can imagine for anyone on the outside of this family, this wouldn't seem like such a huge deal... but its not what he says, its the manner and the tone in which it's said.
You see, this is a man who has nothing but criticism 90% of the time he opens his mouth...
the same man who's been an incredible provider for a family of 6 by being an extremely hard worker and a dedicated man. For that I am incredibly proud of my father... always have been and always will be....
.. but when it comes to providing emotionally as a father... theres just no support. With every passing year the man becomes more and more bitter
Regardless, I managed to stay calm and take this situation with a grain of salt.....
it was about that time in which my mother tried to diffuse the situation by showing my father the wrought iron sconces we picked out for the living room.
He asked how they were to hang, and my mother told him the top loop was meant to hold them in place...
she then turned to me and asked if that was correct...
I told her it was correct to which my father quickly contested...
(Oh, well if his daughter says thats the way to do it, then there must be some other way... the right way)
I believe it was about that time the fury set in and the tears gathered in the well of my eyes....
he looked for the directions, and saw the picture on the box...
... hanging from the top loop of the sconce...
"Oh I guess they do hang that way"
... must be that his daughters not entirely an idiot...
but really, theres no need to apologize...
he then walked out of the room and I was left with a distant stare on my face trying to compose myself...
.. the brother staring at me as if he knew I was on the point of breaking...
Now, as anyone knows, the more attention you smother me with in times of sadness or fury, the more likely I am to simply breakdown...
.. i'm better left alone to deal with my feelings alone..
.. but alas, the wells flowed and my face was left in a sea of tears...
... and I hated it.
I hated it because i'm a 27 year old woman reduced to a 5 year old when he's around.
Hated it because I don't have it in me to be just as spiteful back to him...
.. not because I fear him, not because I feel sorry for him, but because I don't want to make him feel the way he makes us feel... I dont want to make anyone feel that way...
.. and I hate it because I can't simply act as if he was a regular joe and tell him to fuck off...
After my breakdown,the mother walks into the kitchen to inform him that I'm hurt and he gets in victim mode telling her he cant seem to ever do right by us...
.. excuse me?? How hard is it to simply say "Here, I'll show you how to fix the painting"- or - "Thats a real nice frame, I'm going to see if I can't make it fit in properly"
I'm not expecting Mr. Brady here folks... simply something positive from the man.
After all was said and done, i gathered my things, got my shoes and coat and prepared to visit the boyfriend.
Just as I'm tying my shoes, he sits down to the computer and tells me the frame can not be hacked into...
I was right after all.
... "oops"...
I got my keys, got buckled into my car, turned the ignition and made it all better with a single phrase...
"what a dick"
My brother also decided to remind me that I've put all this time and effort into dads xmas gift this year... ... i've taken his army jacket, pins, and pictures and created a shadowbox of memorabilia... ... "Makes you second guess if you should even give it to him, doesnt it? he really doesn't deserve it" as true as that may be.... he'll still be getting the shadowbox for christmas... .. lets just hope this bitter wound in my heart heals enough for me to actually give it to him with a smile.